Old Wounds and New Beginnings

  Fifteen years ago today one of the most horrific events in our country occurred.  At 9:02 am a home grown coward set off a truck bomb in front of the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK.  I needn't describe the major details for you, everyone who was alive April 19, 1995 remembers what happened.  Seeing the building ripped apart, the limp body of Bailey Almon in the firefighter's arms, the blood, the glass, the shell shocked faces looking so eerily similar to those we have seen in tragedies the world over, and yet it was here, in America.  Not only was terrorism on our shores, (The first bombing of the World Trade Center in '93 was still fresh on our minds) but here it was in the very heart of the country. 
I was in Philadelphia at the time, but I devoured the news magazines and the hometown papers my dad sent me from Oklahoma City.  I read everything I could find on the subject because I couldn't put it down.  I was drawn to it and every terrible detail printed itself on my brain.  I felt helpless and in some ways wanted nothing more than to come home and yet I knew there was nothing I could do to help, I knew that my being home in Oklahoma would not have prevented it from happening any more than I could prevent the sun from shining.   I internalized every detail as if it had happened to me, personally, and my depression raged sometimes out of control.  I didn't have that name to put to it then though.  I thought my response was pretty normal for someone raised in Oklahoma City, familiar with the buildings, the area, the people.  It would be some years later before my depression was diagnosed.  I began taking meds for my depression April 11, 2000.  One of the first major clues to me that they were working, was that I was able to watch the 5th anniversary memorial and though I still cried, it was with empathy, and sympathy, not the heart wrenching sobs I had always felt about it.  I still felt impacted, but not as if I were a direct participant anymore. 
So today I remember old wounds.  The gaping scars they left like the buildings ripped apart in the aftermath of the bombing.  And I celebrate new beginnings because it was 10 years ago today that I realized I might really get to have a normal life.  Without the crying, without the chaos, without the hell that depression had left me with, and that there was hope for the first time in a long time.  It was the day I realized I might reach something called happy that I had dreamed of for so long, but couldnt ever picture happening to me.  Had it not have been for that day 10 years ago, I would not have the life I have now.  I would not have realized the great joy and happiness I could feel.

Gossip, News and Views

I will preface this post with very simple statement.  These stories have been all over the news, the opinions will be in red and are my own, not that of anyone else.  If you agree with me thats awesome....if not please be respectful.  S.

The shooting at the Muskogee Mall in OK:  I was so shocked to hear of this.  I went to high school in Muskogee, two of my boys were born when we lived there, and pretty much I have adopted it as my second hometown.   It baffles me when young people react like this.  I mean seriously, when we were kids if it was that big a deal someones car got keyed.   Its horrifying to me, I spent so much time at that mall when K and T were babies because it was one of the easiest places in the world to go with 2 lil kids.  
I believe in gun control and open carry laws and yes I realize that is contradictory as all get out.  I believe that you should have to have a license and a psych eval on file to be allowed to buy guns.  I believe guns owned illegally should be siezed and destroyed.  I firmly believe all fully automatic weapons should not be allowed as a personal weapon.  However, if you follow the rules and you can pass the requirementss and you want to be an old fashioned gunslinger with your pistol in a holster on your hip then GO FOR IT.  I feel extremely safe when C carries and it does not bother me a BIT to know that we have guns in the house with our kids.  We have a gun safe and every gun we have has a trigger lock of some kind on it.  The only weapon we keep loaded is the .22 pistol.  It has a trigger lock and its the only one we keep out of the safe.  Its in a safe place well out of reach of the kids and I know I can do some damage if I shoot someone with it.  I may not hit anywhere near what I am aiming for....LOL But it is definitely my right to protect my home and my children with it

The adoptive mother in TN who sent the little 8 year old boy back to Russia:  OMG this story completely floored me.  Who the hell sends a little kid on a flight half way around the world unaccompanied?  She says the Russian officials lied to her and that he had psychological problems from being in the orphanage.  We toured several of the state orphanages when I went to the Soviet union(yes I do realize thats been over 20 years ago) and they seemed well designed and well appointed to take care of the children.  Many of the kids we were around were very happy and well adjusted and sang and played just as beatifully as most kids do.   Every time I read something about this story, I just start to wonder WTH she was thinking and if there isnt a hell of a lot more to this story that hasn't come out yet.

Bret Michaels:    had emergency appendectomy sunday....hope it doesn't negatively affect him with Celebrity Apprentice....he is the best thing going this season. 

Dixie Carter:   She was a great lady and a great southerner and she will be truly missed.

American Idol:  Methinks this is the season they have jumped the shark.  The mentors are not super impressive this year and the contestants seem stale and boring.

Tiger and Jesse James:  WTF is wrong with these men that they are cheating on their beautiful, strong, accomplished wives??

There you have it, I am spouting off on some recent tales in the news.  Have a great week!!

New Hobby

So recently Chris has introduced me to a new hobby....Auctions.  I had never been to one and a few weeks ago we went to a car auction.  The kids had a blast looking at the cars and it was a great (and free) way to spend a Friday night out of the house.  So today we went to an estate auction.  They had some cool stuff and just plain old junk.  We spent a whole 2$.  I got an ironing board and T-ball Tee for 1$ and four gallon wine jugs for another 1$.  We didn't have an ironing board so was really excited about that and well the t ball tee went with it.  The gallon jugs are just super cool looking two green and two clear.  I have no real idea what i plan to use them for but they just seemed like a GREAT deal. 
We have a list of things we want to watch for and auctions that are coming up.  I like refinishing furniture and could have picked up several pieces fairly cheap today, but will keep an eye out for others as we proceed. 
One of these days soon, I need to post pics of some of the recent pieces I have fixed up.  Tanner's chest turned out great and I am going to start on his desk one of these days when I can get Chris and the kids all out of here at the same time.

Lil Apples and Crazies

As I mentioned in my last post the little apples around here didn't fall very far off from the tree which helped plant them....One thing that Keif does that just drives me to distraction is that he talks, picks at, makes fun, generally annoys Tanner almost constantly.  Its as if he is afraid if he shuts his mouth and just lets Tanner be Tanner, that he will lose the ability to speak forever.  I had never realized until this week how much Chris does this as well because sometimes he is soooo quiet.  Last night though it was like he took a chatty pill and it was like laying in bed with a talking doll that has malfunctioned and now won't shut up even though you removed the batteries and ran over the doll three times. 
I admit I like reality shows...all kinds of them.  But the show in question last night was Cross Country w/ John Edwards and he had several guest mediums on as well.  So one of them was doing a reading in the audience and doing her thing...I feel as if there is someone with an M name....and possibly an S....
Chris  "well hell I can do that she only hs 24 more letters to guess"
me  *rolling eyes*  I didnt make you come in here and watch
Chris  "look shes going to say she senses they are dead"
me  "would you shut up"

lady on tv  telling audience about the guests mothers cancer death and to get check up for some ailment...girl and her friends are crying

Chris" oh boo hoo its all garbage, once your gone your gone"
me  " leave me alone please....I just want to watch in peace"
Chris  "well if you change the channel it will be more peaceful"

Now the thing that gets me about this entire scenario is that if I walk thru the llivng room while one of his SyFy shows is on and happen to say even do you want a soda,
he will pause the show, rewind it, holler about how NOONE ever lets him finish a show in peace and generally grouse about it for the next three hours.

But replaying it in my mind last night I realized its exactly how Keif does Tan sometimes and it really made me giggle.

I also noticed at lunch yesterday that another habit of Keifer's that doesnt bother me, but annoys Chris to no end is that if there is something on his plate he doesnt like he has to get it off of there immediately.  Now part of the reason it bugs Chris is because Keif is soooo dramatic about it.  OMG theres a _____ on my plate and I hate ______.  Get it off! Get it off!  sometimes this is punctuated by jumping up and down.
Now the reason I mention this is that as soon as Chris' plate arrived at lunch yesterday, he grabbed the side plate that we got for Saw, and scraped the guacamole and the tomatoes onto it.  I asked him why, and he said, "I don't want to even think I taste the guacamole with my food."
I pointed out that Keifer is sooo much like him, but that Keifer just hasn't learned the self control yet to move the food quietly and without fanfare.
He said, " No I will eat anything most of the time, except squash and tomatoes."
This sent me into fits of laughter, because I remember the time in Wisconsin I had to take his hamburger back because they put Mayo on it after ordering it Mustard only.
I remember the time he just refused to eat because he SAW butter on the toast and I knew he was starving. 
Keif does the exact same things in the exact same way.  While I may get something I dislike on a burger, I will take a napkin or whatever and scrape it off, if it happens to C he gets totally offended and will not eat. 

The really funny thing is that when I pointed all of this out when he was fussing about Keifer doing these things JUST LIKE HIM, he swore to me that no Keifer must get this stuff from me because he is not picky at all.

Ummmm....yeah and I am batgirl.

Bone Headed Husbands

  Every husband has the ability to be boneheaded now and then, and some days I feel like I could teach a class on them.  Most of my friends husbands have their moments, even my dad who can be awesome dad, has the ability of being a boneheaded husband now and again.  This past week has proven this point to me a dozen times over.  I love Chris with all my heart, but  can I just say that boys/mens thinking just bewilders me. 

We had a conversation at dinner Wednesday about how windy it was and that this would not be a good time for a fire.  That he needed to wait till one of these days when it was calmer to run a burn pile and a controlled burn on part of our back yard.  We have 6 acres in the country....most of it tree covered and therefore leaf covered.  I came in here to bathe Sawyer.  Next thing I know, I walk back out into the living room, and see fire glowing in the back.  This is not a good thing when all parties are prepared.  It is less of a good thing when NOONE is prepared.  I walked on the porch to ask whats going on and Keifer yells back at me from the fort...."Daddy set the woods on fire and we are all going to burn to death." 
Tanner is jumping up and down begging me to get down his fireman suit so he can go fight the fire with daddy.  I hurry up and get the baby in jammies and put him down with a bottle grab shoes and run out the back, hollering for the boys to get inside and watch a movie.  Somewhere in here Keifer reminds me that daddy grounded him from tv for the rest of the week.  I don't care right now what daddy said...watch a movie and come get me if the baby is crying too badly. 
Flames are licking the BRAND NEW SHED....you know the one we just made the first freaking payment on and FILLED with everything from the storage site in town....oh and the fact that it has 2 five gallon gas cans FULL sitting inside it escaped Chris' notice.  And they are licking at the boat(which also has a full 5 gallon gas can in it because he's been working on the motor) and the orig bed off the Chevy. 

Can you guess I was not a very happy camper.  He was running across toward the shop(where there was no sign of fire) and I grabbed every hose I could find and sstarted hooking them together.  He came around with the lawnmower and just got the boat out of the way.  I began spraying everything I could reach.  We worked on it for a good while and then I had to call a neighbor to ask for more hose,  He came over and other neighbors stopped by.  We had to call the Forrestry Division in to come in.  All in all about 10 acres burnt. 
Oh and to clarify how far in the country we are.....when we called 911, the girl said they were busy to call back in a few minutes.

In asking Chris what the hell he was thinking starting a fire in this wind(listed as one of the windiest days of the year)  he said well I was cutting that tree and I heard the leafs move and I couldn't see anything so I thought it was a snake.  I didn';t have the pistol with me just the leaf burner(basically a torch attached to a 20 lb propane tank)  so I shot with that....
(OMG and I leave my children alone with you????)

Thursday morning, my mom called and was already in a state....I assumed that someone else had told her we had a fire(my uncle is a vol fireman in the next county and usually calls us to check on all fires reported in our area).  So in trying to calm her down I told her not to worry it was only about 10 acres and only about 3 of it is ours.  She had no clue what I was talking about.  She was calling to fuss about my dad.  Apparently he was trying to hook his truck up to his boat trailer, and managed to ram the boat trailer into the house. 
She isn;t sure (and to be honest, he isn;'t either) whether he just missed the brake, or hit the gas.  See Boneheaded, and it runs from engineers to wanna be rednecks......

I have decided though, that those things aren't always the important ones, its how we deal with them that makes the difference. 
One thing is for sure, I cannot say my marriage or life in general since Chris came into it has ever been boring or dull.  Not that I would mind those things once in a while, but I have a feeling that considering the apples around here certainly didnt fall far from the tree....I have years of  crazy ahead of me. 

Bless his heart I love that man even when he is a bonehead. 

Of Birthdays and other Milestones

Well Chris and I both turned another year older this past week.  His birthday was a bit more of a milestone than mine. (40).  The boys were terribly excited about celebrating his as "Daddy's never had a birthday mom"   So we bought cupcakes with black icing and took them to his Welding School thursday and surprised him with goodies and cards.  And then there was mine.  I turned 39 yesterday and our house was suffering the second coming of the PLAGUE.  Chris and I fought over who was dying the worse death.  (I assure you it was me).  I woke sometime in the night between Friday and Saturday feeling as if someone was stabbing knives in my throat and a hacking cough the likes I have missed the majority of this year.  Oh yeah!  Thankfully Chris seemed fine Saturday and I left him to run the assylum while I slept and hacked and generally played dead in our room.  Late in the evening I began to feel slightly better, but Chris came to bed about 10 saying he thought he had it too.  He slept today away and got up around 6.  I was up most of the day, but still feel like dying. 
I have decided we will celebrate my birthday next weekend cause right now neither one of us needs to go anywhere.

Exceeding Expectations

       I knew when I got married that Chris was not Mr Sentimental, not quite Mr Couldn't Care Less, but very close to it.  He isn't prone to flowery words or notes, and could definitely be chosen as the strong silent type.  He is rarely outwardly affectionate, and doesn't always know how to express his feelings.  Between kids and moms getting in the act he was prodded into actually buying Valentines this year.

   Apparently my mom called him Friday to remind him that Sunday was Valentines and he really needed to buy me ROSES.  And according to him she stressed the ROSES.  He was laughing his head off when he called to tell me about it.  So I called her and asked her what she was thinking and ya'll, my mama played dumb.  I didn't call him, she says.  Right, like my non thinking husband who cannot remember what day of the week it is without knowing what is on the TV schedule is going to out of the blue remember Valentine's is coming and make up a story about her calling to tell him to get roses...NOT.  So after talking a bit we agreed that he would get the joy of taking the boys shopping Saturday while I was at my friends wedding shower.  I did tell him to try and steer Tanner away from the flowers and more toward a gift card, but let them go.  Ya'll, they spent more on the cards than the gift card and I am still laughing.  They picked one of those GIANT 10X10 talking cards.  But the card he picked was a doozy.  I am still tearing up just thinking about it.  Among other things, this is the FIRST card he has ever taken the time to pick out and we have been married almost 8 years and together 15 months longer than that.    It is sweet, and romantic, and it really said some things I have been needing to hear. 
Of course he doesnt realize that he has set a bar he will now have to perform to, but thats ok, he has outdone himself for now.


Heaven plus Ice Cream

So in our world, tomorrow is better than all the holidays of the world combined.  It is of course the Superbowl and daddys SAINTS are marching in.  That alone is cause for celebration in these hills, but add to that the fact that they have a decent shot at winning this thing and well...we are ready to rock.  We have beef slow roasting for dip beef sandwiches on, a SAINTS cake on the cabinet, SAINTS shirts for all ready to wear.  Now we just need the SAINTS to show up and play like their tails are on fire so the celebration can start commencing. 
The boys were excitedly talking to each other about watching the game with Chris and one of them mentioned the cake and said it was better than a birthday.  The other piped up and said, "Yeah its almost like Heaven PLUS Ice Cream!"
Happy Superbowl watching and Gooo SAINTS!  Who DAT??

Snow Days

Ok so we have totally established that I hate the snow.  My kids are home for the like 6th day in a row tomorrow.  Chris left this afternoon to go back to school, and the thought of another snow day stuck in this house with 3 kids is enough to make me consider Chuck E Cheese or worse....
Hmmm....gotta do something with them cause don't know how much of the following conversation I can stand again tomorrow.

K-see I'm the best
T- but I was robin and you taked him
K-yeah but im the best and your a crybaby
T-kicking K your a liar Im telling on you
K- mom tanner yelled at me
at some point here Saw would throw in a screech or two and C and I were hollering back for them to get along or go to their own room


Seriously? More Snow??

When did we take a wrong turn and wind up in the freaking Antarctic???  Someone please tell me.  Growing up we got maybe one BAD snowstorm every 3-5 years... It seems like the last several years we wind up getting a bad one every 3-5 weeks.   I hate this crap.  It was one reason I was willing to leave Philadelphia even though I loved it out there for the most part.  I hate being cold, can't stand layers of clothes and snow looks pretty the first 30 minutes and then I just feel TRAPPED.  I don't like feeling stuck or that I cannot do something if I feel like it needs to be done. 
I don't mind Tornado Season, or even the long hot forever draughts of summer, but OMG  somebody please do something about the freaking snow.  We may have to move further south.  I guess south and east cause there is no way C would move to TX.